Surgery story/update

This story is going to require a bit of setup so let me give you a bit of backstory about me.

So I don't drink alcohol very often at all. Because of that, I'm a lightweight big-time. More than that, if I do drink and get at all drunk it makes me feel like I have to pee and that is effectively the end of the night for me because I end up glued to the toilet, convinced I have to pee... Until I can sober up enough to be sure I'm not gonna wet the bed, then you can get me off the toilet and into bed. This has only happened like 3 times and every time it has been super on accident, and because of that I really am not a fan of drinking at all!

Unless it's bubbly water or sugar free soda... then I drink more than anyone I know. Literally I drink no less than 2-4 gallons of drink a day! I am always thirsty, always drinking, and therefore have to pee all the time. I hate having to pee, so I know where bathrooms are everywhere and am always ducking in for a quick pee break. 

OK so now that you know that about me, I bring you to me on Tuesday after waking up from surgery. As soon as I woke up all I felt like was I HAD to PEE!!! Like the worst I've ever had to pee in my life. It HURT like a bitch. I had lots of pain from the 4 incisions they made, one of which they had to make double the size. Not to mention I had extra tearing while they were removing stuff, so I had like fuck tons of pain everywhere, but none of that registered compared to having to pee. 

So I did what I do at least twice every night and started uncovering myself in my drunken, anesthesia haze so I could go pee. Next thing I know the nurse is starting to yell for help because I'm not supposed to be getting up. She told me to lay back down at which point I tell her, “Not gonna happen, Fam; I gotta pee, it's DEFCON 5, 9, whatever the highest is, it's a fucking emergency.”  She says, "I promise you don't have to pee, they just removed your catheter. Your bladder is empty, you don't have to pee."

I was like “Nope, DEFINITELY gotta pee”, and all this time I am doing my best to uncover and get myself out of bed while this nurse is doing her best to stop me, and now another nurse, nope two nurses have appeared and now I am fighting all 3 of them quite forcefully to get out of bed and pee. Finally she says “Okay we'll get you a bedpan. Just sit, we'll let you pee.” 

I tell her that isn't gonna work, I can't pee in a bedpan, I don't know why, I just can't, I've never been able to. She says, "Too bad, you can't get up, I'll get you one." So next thing I know the nurse is slipping a bedpan under me, but nope sure enough I CAN NOT GO AND THE PAIN is just ahhhhhhh so unbearable. So, I tell her it hurts, it hurts, I really need to pee, I can't go, and I try to get up again, and again I fight nurses who are doing their best to keep me down but apparently my working out is working, because it's taking all they got. She says "You're in pain, let's get you meds and then you'll be able to pee, you're hurting. Do you want more meds?"

That registered immediately because yes, pain, yes meds sound good. So, she hands me a cup with meds and says take these. As I take them, she tells me they will take a bit to kick in so she's also going to give me something in my IV. Sure as shit, I was OUT again. 

Next time I come to, I still HAVE TO PEE! There is a bedpan beneath me, but nope I can't go so once again I start trying to get out of bed and once again I am fighting this nurse, this time alone and she is panicking trying to keep me in bed and convince me I don't have to pee. I do not believe her, so I am fighting - a lot - but making no progress because I am wrapped in wires and blankets and now there are 3 of them pushing me down again. I finally screamed, “If you don't let me pee, I’m gonna die!!!” She said, “I promise you won't, but if you're gonna keep fighting will you stop if I get you a commode by your bed?” I agreed, and 2 mins later she finally came back with a commode. I jump up as fast as I can and I definitely peed, a lot. It was the most painful pee of my life, but also the most relieving. With that out of the way, I started asking for Emma and they said if I could wake up a bit more and stop fighting, they would let her come. 

Sure enough, not long after that they finally let Emma in and gave me meds to calm my bladder and muscle spasm stoppers and I felt better. They never took my toilet away again, and later we found out they had nicked my bladder during the procedure and repaired it, hence the extreme pain and sensitivity to needing to pee. I'm starting to have less burning when I pee finally, so that is good. I also have more bruises popping up every day all over my hands and arms from me fighting and those poor nurses trying to hold me down. The bruises hurt like a bitch; I can't imagine how hard I was fighting them for them to have to hold me that tight. 

Anyway, at some point this is all going to be very, very funny, once the bruises are healed and I am off restriction... for now, it's still pretty funny but damn I also hurt alllll over!!!