My Transition and My Community <3

I have thought a long time about this post. It has been hard to know where to start. I personally can't help but think of the contrast of my darkest days to the overall brightness I experience on a daily basis lately.

Those dark days, what I felt more than anything was alone. I had friends, people who called me "family" even. But I spent most of my days, literally years, alone as a shut in. I sat in the same chair and waited every single day to die. No that's not fair, I didn't wait for it, I longed for it, begged for it, wished every day for that day. Almost no one knew. Days, actually like I said, years passed that way.

Until one day and in one life changing moment, that I will elaborate further on when I tell this part of my story, I decided I wanted to live. Not just survive, but live. Out loud and on purpose, as myself. That was the best, and most difficult decisions I've ever made because it's not a one time decision. It's an ongoing choice, to find and pursue the best version of myself that brings me happiness in my life.

My transition has been at the core of that decision. More than anything it has enabled me to live as myself, to show up with all the love I feel in my heart, and with the convictions in my soul.

I will NEVER forget what it felt like waking up and seeing myself after top surgery. I felt like I was FINALLY alive. Not on the inside only, but on the outside. And since then, I have been able to show up in my life like never before. Because I am in my life like never before. The real me looks back in the mirror and the body whose eyes I look through reflects the me that lives inide. That's not a hyperbole. I used to feel like people talked to my body, but not to ME. Like they couldn't see ME, so how could they ever talk to me? How could I ever live my life in a body that everyone talked to instead of ME?

Now people talk to and see ME. And the friends and people I've gained since then, are the closest bonds I've ever experienced. Not just new friends, but old ones who I've gotten closer and closer to. And to be honest, I've had the courage to distance myself from or drop people all together that just weren't MY people. Because we all deserve to find our place and our people in life.

Now I'm onto the next part of my transition. With the blessing of a wonderful community surrounding me. Yet still somehow I find it hard to do what I'm about to do, ask that community for help.

It's so dumb because if you know me you know I'm always willing to help someone else. If you live close to me, chances are you have some of my tupperware in your house atm that I sent home with you with leftovers. Or you have some art I made for you. Or pictures on your wall I shot. Because I love showing up for my community, but damn is it hard to ask for help.

Hard as it is, I'm going to do it now. I need help covering expenses my insurance won't cover for the two surgeries I'm going to have next year. (In January and May.) On top of that I won't be able to work for almost 4 months so I can recover properly. That is not going to be easy and I think maybe the hardest part of this whole thing.

I'm really proud of how active I am these days. Of all the weight I've lost and the work I've done to live a healthy lifestyle. Recovery is now going to be a part of that. For that I'm going to need finances to live.

So I'm asking you if you can to help me out by contributing to my Go Fund Me or donating directly via Venmo/CashApp/Etc.

If you dontate $100 or more and live in Colorado I'm giving out free mushroom gifts, go to this link for the details if you are interested in mushroom gifts.

Lastly I just want to thank all my community for being a part of my life. I'll leave you with these two pictures, a before and after. These pictures are less than 3 years apart and really illustrate the difference you all have made in my life by supporting my transition in all the ways you have. I couldn't do it without all of you.

I love you all,

Alex